Lou Bear at 9 Months

(this was after I took his toy :) can you tell he wasn't happy with this?)

BITTER SWEET

Today was bitter sweet for many reasons. First, my little man turned 9 months. I know, I can barely believe it. Second, I was reminded of the brevity of our time here on earth after attending the funeral of my boss' mother. And lastly, as of today, my Wednesdays will be spent in the office vs. at home with Lucas.

I knew when I got pregnant that I would need to return to work after our son was born and my maternity leave was over. This was a much easier concept to grasp while Lucas was still in my belly. :) Once he arrived and my three month maternity leave came to a close there was nothing more heart wrenching than the thought of leaving my beautiful, innocent baby who physically and emotionally needed me, while I spent 11 hours a day away from him to resume my position at work. It was, and remains, the hardest thing I have ever done. Regardless of the fact that working moms have become more of the norm in today's society, I have a hard time with this concept.  The first day I dropped Lucas off at daycare I literally felt like I left behind a limb. It felt (and continues to feel) so incredibly unnatural. How can it be right when my baby relies on me for all of his basic needs? And nothing screams more unnatural than pumping breastmilk in the server room at work 3 times a day!! (TMI!) Anyway, I digress..

I am lucky enough to have great bosses who were willing to work out a modified schedule with me once I returned from maternity leave.  They agreed to let me work from home on Wednesdays for as long as I was able to. I am so incredibly thankful for this as I don't think I would have survived the last 6 months without my Lucas Day to break up the week.  Well, this is where the bitter comes in..  Now that Lucas is so mobile and interactive, it is very difficult for me to work AND take care of him. The nature of my job requires a certain urgency that can sometimes be very difficult when I also have Lucas to tend to. It has gotten to the point where I am not able to do both jobs well, one will suffer and that is not acceptable.  I can't sacrifice my son's care for work and I have to work. So the only option was to say goodbye to my Lucas Day.

On the bright side, me working helps provide for my family and therefore has an important purpose.  Whether it feels "right" or not, it is a reality in order to sustain the lifestyle that we enjoy.  We are very fortunate to have a beautiful home and the ability to do things we love (which unfortunately requires money!). However, this prompts my next train of thought.. Is it really necessary we both work outside of the home so that we can have all these nice things?  Is spending our days away from Lucas the right thing since we can provide more for him and ourselves? Maybe.  I don't know.  Or do we need to re-align our priorities and cut out all the "stuff" that we think we need so that our Sweet Lou doesn't have to spend his days away from Mom (or Dad)? I don't know.

Who knows what the future holds. It is both our hopes that someday I can stay home to raise our kids so I am confident that the day will come.  In the meantime, we will do our best to provide for our son and eachother the best way we can. 

I WILL survive without my Lucas Day.  I WILL survive.

NEED.HELMET.NOW.

Lucas has reached the next level of mobility....... he is now pulling himself up and cruising furniture! Unfortunately, with this new found mobility comes bruises... lots and lots of bruises. :(  He is a complete hazard to himself and is constantly bonking his head.. 9 times out of 10 it's the coffee table that is to blame.. it has no sharp edges but is the PERFECT height to where he bonks his head as he crawls under and bonks his head as he crawls out.  Don't ask me why but this does not stop him from crawling under it.. it's like there's some sort of magnet drawing him in.  We are in the process of looking for a new table which will likely consist of several soft ottomans with no crawlspace underneath.
What else is new...He started giving five and will even wave sometimes. :) so precious. And I THINK he's starting to say Momma!!! He's been saying DaDa forEVER but today I heard him say Momma a few times.. we will see if he keeps it up.. As far as his eating and sleeping goes, that is still a huge challenge.  He had a few weeks of eating GREAT and then this past week he was back to his complete disinterest in solid food. He's been seen by the doc twice in the last two weeks (first to discuss his lack of sleep and second because he was sick with a horrible cough) and the doc noted that he had lost 5 ounces between visits. This could just be because he wasn't feeling well and in turn didn't want to eat.. We back to the doc for his 9 month appointment this Thursday, so we will discuss his eating and weight again.  Project plump up Lucas continues!!!  Aside from his complete disinterest in eating and sleeping he is one happy, funny and active baby!!!

 ( I am in LOVE with his baby legs!!! not only are they super cute but they protect his knees - which get super beat up from crawling)

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VISIT FROM GRAMMA!!

Finally!!! :) We had been dying for a visit from Gramma! Although only a 6-7 hour drive away it's not always easy to get in a visit with our busy schedules. So last weekend was amazing!! My mom drove out with her boyfriend Jon and Sienna and Chase and stayed with us for the weekend. We had our friends over for football on Saturday (the usual) and my mom was able to steal Lou for a little one on one time. They took a walk down to our local park and then had the whole night together while we went indoor skydiving for Jenn's birthday. Then Sunday we all headed over to the pumpkin patch to get Lou a pumpkin and hang out with some of his friends.  After that it was time to say our goodbyes :(  which is always a tearful event...  We miss eachother so much and have a hard time being apart.. especially now that Lou is here. We do our best though, and will continue to try and make time for visits every other month.  Next visit will be Christmas when we head back to California.. yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!! :) We love you Gramma!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PROJECT PLUMP UP LUCAS

We received some disturbing news last week when I took Lucas in for his follow up appointment for his ear infections.  Doc weighed him and we noticed he was essentially at the same weight he was 2 months ago (just a few ounces heavier).  Which dropped him yet another weight percentile (now down to 15-20% which is a huge drop from his original 90%  - this sort of drop is definitely cause for concern). This prompted me to discuss with the pediatrician his latest trend of refusing all solid food.  Mealtimes for the past several months had been a challenge and seemed to get increasingly worse with every passing day- to the point that when dinner rolled around and I put him in his high chair he would clamp his lips shut and shake his head no. And the foods that he should be able to chew up and swallow at this point such as puffs, teething biscuits, rice cakes etc. - he will pick them up, put them in his mouth, chew them up and then spit them out. And if he accidentally swallows a piece he usually gags. :( I of course. in true Charlaine fashion, have been an enormous worry wart, frantic to figure out what is wrong with my poor baby.  Frist thought was a food strike due to teething since he is clearly on a sleep strike (he is currently on 2 months of waking every 1-2 hours at night - poor guy is having such a hard time with his teeth coming in). But the thing that has been in the back of my mind ever since he was born was the possibility that he could have EE like his cousin Devin.  It tends to run in families and Doug is pretty certain he had something very similar, if not the same thing, when he was little.  It just wasn't diagnosed back then...  Anyway, it's a pretty severe food allergy that affects the esophagus and can cause eating to be painful - to the point where kids that have the disease will just stop eating altogether and may even need to be tube fed. :( 

I'm trying to remain hopeful that this is not the case for Lucas and today actually boosted my spirits TREMENDOUSLY since he ate a whole thing of pears for me in the morning and a whole thing of peas for lunch.  His pediatrician (who now joins the group of ex-pediatricians) suggested we see how he's doing at his 9 month appointment and if no improvement in weight etc. then he needs to see a GI Specialist.  This was the plan she conveyed to me at the appointment. Well the next day (after losing what little sleep I still get these days) I had all these theories running through my head of what was causing my little guy to refuse food.  Doug brought up a possible correlation to the formula we supplement with for 1 bottle a day (we started this 2 months ago).  He thought this could be flaring up the EE since it is milk based and if EE he likely can't handle milk protein. Anyway, this was a good point so I called his pediatrician that morning to see what she thought about switching the supplemental formula for the next month to see if he improves.  Her response was (as blunt as it comes) "No, that won't work.  Switching formula will make no difference.  If it's EE he will need to be tube fed." Just like that.. she told me over the phone, while I was a work, that if my baby has EE (which at that point i was 99.9% certain that he did) that he would need to be tube fed.  Needless to say there were tears shed after the call.  Thankfully, having a nephew with the condiion (who was never tube fed) I knew that wasn't the only option. Anyway, that is why we won't be returning to that doc and for his 9 month he will be seeing Dr. Venezuela, who we LOVE!  (Lucas saw fer for his ear infections when I had to get him in same day).  I REALLY think she is a keeper! Lucky number 8.  That's right, Lucas is 8 months and has seen 8 differnt pediatricians..  To say I have a problem with doctors is an understatement.  I am absolutely, positively the most high maintenance patient in the world.  And now that my son is involved, forget about it.

Moral of this post is that I'm on a mission.  A mission to plump up my baby.  He was 17 lbs 9.5 ounces at the last appointment (8 months). So lets see what sort of progress we can make during this next month.  Regardless, I've made an appointment with a GI Specialist which is scheduled for Nov. 3rd. Here's to hoping and praying that little Lou does not have EE and that we can get him back on track with eating solids and gaining weight!!

Look at those pearly whites!!  (stinks it's so blurry)