As I've told just about everyone whose asked how we're doing since our precious Lucas arrived, I will say it again - no one could have prepared me for what has been our life for the last six weeks. Motherhood is by far the most difficult and challenging job I have ever done or will ever do. Yes, it is a job. It is my job to keep our baby safe, happy, fed, secure, comforted etc. I think back to my own mom, moms I see in my everyday life, moms that I'm friends with.. some make it look so easy, others make it look so stressful and exhausting, and still others make it look fun. But it's just one of those things that you will never truly know until you become one yourself. Listen to me, I have only been a mom for six weeks and feel I have seen it all! LOL! Yes, I know that is soooo far from being true. But what I do know is that the first few weeks home with my son were probably some of the most challenging and emotional weeks I have ever experienced. They were wonderful don't get me wrong, just soo not easy.
For me, the most difficult part of motherhood that I've experienced so far is feeding our son. Should be easy, right? I had decided while I was pregnant that I really wanted to breastfeed since it is the perfect food for our little guy and offers so many health benefits, especially in the early months. What I didn't know, is how difficult it would be! Not that it would have changed my decision to do so but it may have been nice to know what I would be up against. Luckily, when Lucas was born he latched on instantly, like a true pro, and needed no assistance from me or the nurses. I was very happy to see him so comfortable and seeming to know exactly what he was doing. I was naive to think the hard part was over. For the first 5 or 6 days Lucas nursed for what felt like every second of every day (really like every 1 to 2 hours) and there was one 24 hour period that I swear he just never stopped. What does that mean for me? Nips that felt like they were put through a food processor, absolutley NO sleep and just complete exhaustion. There were several occasions in that first week that the both of us would just cry together.. LOL. One of the things you give up as a nursing mom (or a mom who takes care of all the feedings) is sleep. That is the icing on the cake to make an already challenging situation even more difficult. I haven't had a full night sleep in 6 weeks and at this point would probably consider selling a kidney for the exchange of a solid 8 hours of uninterrupted magical sleep.
I will say that the newborn phase DOES get easier though. At first you are just getting to know this little person that you've created and are learning the meaning of all his little cries and mannerisms. Once you speak his langauge (for me it took about 2 weeks) things seem to go a lot smoother as it is much easier to make a sad baby happy if you know what he wants. Assuming it is something in your control. Sometimes there is not much you can do - and that is absolutely heart breaking.
Not only does being a mom make me appreciate my own mom a hundred times over, it shines a whole new light on all moms everywhere.. the teen mom, the single mom, the newlywed mom, the mom of multiples... YOU ARE ALL AMAZING!!
Although everyday brings it's challenges and is sure to be filled with exhaustion and a bit of frustration, you will have moments that are just so amazing that you will instantly forget that your baby just spent the last hour crying for no apparent reason. This morning I woke up from my cat nap (I don't feel like I can use the word "sleep") to the sound of my crying baby who was clearly hungry. It was 7:30am and this was Lucas' third feeding of the morning. I popped out of bed like I've learned to intantly do and scooped him up out of his crib and walked him into the living room. His crying quieted as I'm sure he knew what was ahead. I laid him on my lap as I got his gas drops ready and as I was about to give him his medicine he looked straight into my eyes and smiled. It was AMAZING. I didn't care what the day was going to bring, it was already perfect. :)
On January 26th, 2011 our lives were forever changed... in the most amazing way. I am so very blessed with the life of our son and am even more blessed to have such an amazing partner to go through this journey with. Doug has proven not only to be the best husband ever but also an amazing father. The way he looks at our son and interacts with him melts my heart.
So, moral of the story.... motherhood is NO JOKE! And I LOVE LOVE LOVE my boys!
